HYMNS for 3rd GRADE GIRLS 1964
Altar Introduction – You will be greeted with “Dominus Vobiscum” and you will answer, “Et cum spiritutuo” – at 8 a.m. Mass every Wednesday – (Latin mumbo jumbo, I know, and back then nothing to do with LatinX, nor any other constructs), but pleasant to your ear. Everyone will sing O Come All Ye Faithful. Did you know that at birth you became “the faithful”? Look to the right to see the baptismal font. There you got your name—what you’ll be called, and what your place in life shall be.
Altar Etiquette – Please stop squirming, for Heaven’s sake, and always remember to wear some covering on your head in Church, especially at Mass, because if you don’t, or even if you just forgot, you’ll need to cover your seductive locks with something—you might have to scrounge for a piece of paper that will do the trick…like your math homework for instance, but then you will have to prance up the middle aisle flouncing addition and subtraction problems for everyone to see, while singing We Gather Together.
Altar Decor – You’ll be distracted by the glint of the colorful window of Michael the Archangel slaying Lucifer. It will be obvious by your reaction, that you have questions. They will take note of that, and introduce you instead to, Angels We Have Heard on High, that is, the Holy Angels, Gabriel, Raphael and Michael – but not Lucifer, because a long time ago Lucifer stated publicly that he was the head angel and even better than God. Below the stained-glass window, everyone will sing Praise God from Whom All Blessings Flow.
Altar Protocol – You remain kneeling for now, as the older kids enter from the back. They stand in front of each of the fourteen stations of the Cross. The scenes of the crucifixion would be shocking for you right now, and that is understandable. For the explanation, you will have to wait a long time. In the meantime, they will teach you The Salve Regina, Hail Mary, Queen of Heaven, in order to distract and soothe your mind, because blessings are easier to explain than brutality.
Altar Departure – Go Tell It on the Mountain is up next, but that is not something you should be doing right now anyway, until you understand what exactly is needed to be told, and what is just gossip or hearsay. You’ll soon be instructed to file up the side aisle to the back of the Church. When you reach the holy water font everyone will once again sing, Praise God from Whom All Blessings Flow. Lightly tap the water, then make the sign of the cross by touching forehead, then heart, then left shoulder, and right shoulder. Do not laugh or sprinkle anyone near you…this is not a game!
Jean Cassidy 2023
This addition is suggested by Lytingale – Doing the Vatican Rag